Out, in need of support

The following was written by a straight man, aka yours truly.

In the distant past (& not so distant), being a member of the Greek community was something to take great pride & joy in - still is, BTW. But when it came to fraternity members revealing their sexual orientation to their fellow brothers, more often than not, for fear of ostracism, they would resort to the following: a) keep their sexual preference a secret for the longest time, then decide to come out sometime during the new millennium; b) have a "girlfriend" on the side, as some sort of prop or facade to convince their brothers that they were one of the guys (i.e. straight as can be); c) launching into every denial & rationalization they could think of if the issue of their sexual orientation arose...among other coping mechanisms at their disposal to keep their gay status out of the picture.

Many men who wore letters & who were closeted somehow braved the elements & came out later on, once the undergraduate baggage was put behind them; others weren't so lucky, facing scorn & ostracism from every sector, who felt that being both Greek & gay didn't mix & was a travesty to every principle their fraternities' respective founders stood by. Nowadays, however, the tide has turned: it seems acceptable to be a part of the Greek system as well as gay & live up to the billing of men of good character, balanced men, men of integrity.

Take the tale of Travis Shumake as a case in point. (He was a Sigma Chi @ Northern Arizona University - the same fraternity I am an alumni of.) He was an out cheerleader & freshman class president. Upon meeting the men of Sigma Chi initially, most of them were won over right away - in fact, he was a perfect fit for Sigs, being a legacy - that is to say, Travis' father was a Sig so that credential alone essentially gave him a bid to join Sigma Chi.

Catch is, he didn't get a bid. Some seniors decided Shumake wasn't the right dude to join their chapter, for fear that their chapter might become known as the "gay" fraternity & they didn't want to earn that label. So Travis rushed Phi Delta Theta, this time getting a bid & he entered the process of pledgeship. But again, fate had other plans for Travis: one of the senior brothers gave the chapter an ultimatum, fearing the worst if a gay man were initiated into Phi Delt & it could be best summarized like so - "Either he goes or I go." Since Shumake wasn't even initiated yet, the active Phi Delts had no choice but to carry out their chaptermate's ultimatum & booted Travis from the chapter.

After such an ordeal, you'd think that Travis would've cleansed his hands of all things Greek, which he did - only momentarily, though. By the time Sigma Chi re-entered the picture, all the duders who were against Brother Shumake becoming a member of their chapter had graduated & so the remainder who stayed on hoping to make amends by giving him another bid. This time around, he accepted the offer & look at how far he's come since then.

As Travis Shumake's story indicates, & countless other Greek fraternity members will echo his sentiments (e.g. Andrew Goldstein), telling your chapter you're not only one of their own, but also that you're gay - now that can be a struggle as well as a fight. But somehow, instead of becoming resistant or standoffish once the truth comes out, more fraternity members are willing to lend their support, to stand by their out brothers through thick & thin. This isn't to say that the majority of straight Greek men will automatically give a newly out brother a warm reception & life will go on as usual; life does go on but it's different from the very moment one of their own tells them, "I'm gay," at the next chapter meeting.

And yet there's hope, even more so than ever. To be both gay & a member of the Greek community is not only acceptable & becoming more apparent; to be both of the above is also a testament to knowing oneself, finding one's place in this world as well as the chapter house.

At the same time, it's a challenge. Just ask Travis or Andrew about that.